September 30th 2022 - September 30th 2023, themes:
Radical self-acceptance, expansion, connection, commitment, sexuality, creativity, self-expression, equanimity
Happy first boobiversary to me! One year ago today I underwent breast augmentation, a choice I wasn’t positive I would ever make, but love that I did. Twelve months later, life has taken some swift, expansive, and unexpected but abundant turns. I’m not attributing anything that has happened this year to the appearance of my new real estate, but it was definitely a milestone marker of this chapter of life. Constantly on this mission to learn and grow, this seemed like a great time to review and share where life’s journey has taken me since.
Life’s story unfolds in cycles, and time moves fast and slow. Every so often, when you recognize and open yourself to your own positive momentum, life moves you leaps and bounds in a seemingly short amount of time. That is what this last twelve months has offered me. I have learned more about patience, surrender, self-advocacy, love, the world, and commitment than I could have possibly imagined on September 30th, 2022 as I entered that surgery room.
From California to Mexico to Eastern Europe to Vietnam, erotica, marriage, and many, many firsts, this past year of life has one helluva tale to tell. In processing it all, I sat down to reflect and composed a list highlighting the choices and experiences that have delivered me to the present moment (and included a little slideshow at the end, too).
Before I get ahead of myself, the thematic reminder I wish to impart for my own reflection, and for yours, is one of equanimity.
Equanimity is the ability to embrace the inevitability of change with acceptance and composure.
In my experience, the quality of equanimity is one of our most positive and powerful forces of character. It is a massively beneficial tool that works toward our mental and emotional wellbeing. When it comes to fluidly making the most of the opportunities and gifts life has in store, equanimity takes the cake. Add to that some frosting laced with playfulness, communication skills, and empathy, and you will be left feeling full and happy as you clear your plate and make room for more.
So here it goes!
In the last 12 months, I:
Underwent the most intense physical healing period of my life, with support from my loving and amazing partner. Ended up with some juicy new real estate that adds a joyful layer of novelty and play to life. Wrote about and recorded a (very honest) video for YouTube about my breast augmentation journey, down to the gritty details (more about that here).
Sold or gave away all of my worldly possessions except what fits into two checked bags and a carry on suitcase. This offered a deep mental and emotional process of release. Understanding my relationship to material possessions brought up a lot, but felt great in the end (and continues to).
Got on the burlesque stage one last time along with my Siren sisters and my soul sister ChaCha Burnadette for a sizzling group act at The Darling Celemtines Burlesque and Drag Show. Dancing on stage with my best friends, and all the bonding and work that leads up to that moment, is one of the best things I have had the privilege of experiencing.
Road tripped to San Diego and spent a week with my partner and some dear friends, playing and partying and celebrating health and new horizons. Said bon voyage to living in the US for the foreseeable future.
Crossed the US/Mexico border with my partner and flew from Tijuana to La Paz, Baja California Sur, to live without ever having visited before. I felt nervous, excited, and brimming with the energy of possibility. I saw myself committing even further to the journey of building a life together on our own terms, prioritizing our relationship in a way I had never cared to do with a partner before.
Explored and enjoyed a new environment, culture, and pace of life. Baja is definitely a vibe. Highly recommend, and would return!
Spent four days car camping at the second largest van life meet up in the world on Playa Tecolote, called Escapar Baja. Hiked through gorgeous desert, which led directly to a Caribbean feeling beach, and had my breath taken away by the beauty of nature. Met folks living alternative lifestyles from all over, watched several sky bursting colorful sunsets.
Was prompted to wrap the program I co-created for an arts non-profit in Sacramento at the start of the pandemic, coaching young adults on self-confidence and creative growth. Connected deeply with my inner child in the process. Appreciated the innocence and potential of being, and supporting the development of, a young life. Understood fully that with this ending I was at the precipice of another grand pivot, lessons in hand. Chose to embrace it with equanimity.
Did some major deep-diving self-work and healing surrounding the trauma borne of a parental tie. Untied it, and put every single one of my wellbeing tools to work in the process (maybe the hardest and ultimately most healing gift I have ever given myself). Reparenting is a lifelong process, but I made sure to make the most of the extra time I had to focus in and move myself forward.
Started writing my first series of erotica novellas! Lucy’s Experience: The Erotic Adventures of A Kinky Bisexual Showgirl. The four book series follows Lucy as she travels to different gigs in exciting new locations, and all of the erotic entanglements she finds herself in along the way. Finding extreme creative delight in this outlet, I finished books one and two in La Paz while writing on my building’s roof deck.
After a beautiful conversation, decided to get married to my partner, my best friend and the love of my life. Bought wedding bands and began wearing them immediately.
Learned of an awesome work and professional development opportunity for my partner in Vietnam. Decided to move across the world together in the fall of this year.
After 3.5 months in La Paz, moved to Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca.
Started preemptively filming adult content with my soon-to-be husband, with the intention to launch an OnlyFans account in the summer. Co-creating and collaborating together to create erotic content has been a beautiful, hilarious, and bonding journey. Being able to share our intimacy and healthy sexual experience through channels we control feels like a gift to both receive and be able to share with others. The tone of this work mirrors everything else I have ever done, with humor, self-acceptance, intimacy, and creativity at the heart of everything.
Celebrated my 37th birthday with dear friends that came to visit us in Puerto Escondido. Partied, explored, and played in gorgeous surroundings. Rode a horse on the beach as the sun was setting. Danced my ass off at beach clubs with sand dance floors.
Wrote about core values, and how defining them has helped me live and understand myself more wholeheartedly (more about that here).
Finished book three, and drafted covers for all four novellas in the Lucy’s Experience series.
After 2 months in Puerto Escondido, returned to Northern California to get married in the presence of immediate family at the courthouse, with an intimate reception gathering afterwards. Watched as our families and close friends blended and got along seamlessly. Was utterly steeped in gratitude for the life I’ve created and the human relationships that bind me to this earth. It was a perfect day, as perfect days go.
Traveled to Mexico City for the summer (population over 22 million!). Loved the pace of life and aesthetic of the city. Highly recommend a visit, and definitely would return.
Launched an OnlyFans account with my husband (@ijkink). Started navigating various avenues of promotion and our potential for creation within the adult content space. Shed all fucks I had left to give surrounding owning and openly expressing my sexuality. Leaned in to celebrating the intimacy and passion I’ve been blessed to hold so close. We schedule posts every single day for our subscribers that span travel/lifestyle/adventures to deeply sensual and at times hilarious exxxplicit content, all created and edited together. Sharing it here is me openly inviting you to join our kinky digital community, and enjoy the good feelings it inspires!
Went to Arena Mexico for a Lucha Libre match. Lively, hilarious, and action packed!
Wrote about how to give a tantalizing burlesque for your lover, including my own 7 golden rules for a supremely sizzling experience (more about that here).
Started book four of Lucy’s Experience (final in the series), and edited the first three. Spent a lot of time educating myself further on audio book recording and self-publishing on Amazon Kindle.
Developed a deeper understanding of our style and brand of adult content creation. Found our flow. Enjoyed how funny, intimate, playful, sensual, and fun creation in this space can be. Very different from my burlesque experience, obviously, but I appreciate that I would use these very same words to describe that work as well.
Wrote about how shame is bulls**t, and the power of sensual embodiment in our ability to dismantle it (more about that here).
Watched the sunrise over downtown Mexico City while supporting a friend running in the Mexico City half marathon, with over 60k runners (what a sight!).
Took a gondola ride through a river market on the south end of Mexico City with new and existing friends. Got a little day drunk and watched baby ducks float by. Ate tacos we bought on the river. Bought a leather harness that fits through a belt to carry my water bottle close, hands free, and with style (hydration is everything!).
Wrote a three part series breaking down how to embrace dirty talk that is authentic to you, and become a pillow talk pro (more about that here).
Wrote about how unlocking my own pillow talk prowess led to me writing erotica, with a teaser scene from an upcoming Lucy’s Experience novella (more about that here).
Went to Europe for the first time! Got discovered through our IJKINK Instagram account (@_ijkink) and were flown to Estonia for two weeks to live in a 24/7 cam warehouse with 7 other couples from around the world. Shot a bunch of content, including our first collaboration, and experienced what community can look like in the adult industry. Learned a priceless amount about myself, my relationship to my body and sexuality, my partner, our relationship, and how we choose to navigate this journey. Made genuine connections and some great friends with awesome humans that are straight up characters in their own right.
Taught a burlesque class to a bunch of porn stars! Gave an impromptu performance demonstration and showed them how it can be done. I was able to demonstrate for myself just how ingrained the skill sets I gained from burlesque are rooted within me. Even retired from stage, I realized clearly that I am still able to harness and share these gifts and knowledge for the positive benefit and empowerment of others. Loved it.
Returned to Mexico City for a grand decompression, and squared everything away for our move to Vietnam.
After three months in Mexico City, returned to Northern California for a few days and headed to Hanoi, Vietnam.
Traveled for 29 hours straight. Arrived and experienced immediate sensory overwhelm. Took a very long shower and an even longer nap. Woke up ready to receive the energy of my new environment.
Bought a motorcycle (named her Milly), found an awesome apartment, and started falling in love with this city. After occupying 10 different apartments this year alone, I am honestly excited to lay down some roots in Hanoi and be here (in one spot) for a good while. People are kind, calm, and self-directed. Fresh produce is out of this world. There is a ton to be explored and appreciated around every corner.
Finished book four, and began formatting all books in the Lucy’s Experience series for publishing before the end of this year. Gearing up to begin recording all of the audiobooks myself. Can’t wait to share them! Join my email list at the bottom of this page to be the first to know when they are released.
Got accepted as a couple to become contributors to Lustery. It’s a rad, female-owned, membership based, couple’s adult content site that I am super excited to support and participate in with my husband. Feeling a lot of alignment with their ethos, presentation, and process.
Wrote this list and am sharing it with you now…Whew!
What an unexpectedly transformational year it has been. 36 to 37 spins has been a doosey! Life changing, edge-expanding, and very affirming. I feel more wholly me than I ever have. I’ve learned not to deny or repress any aspect of myself in the space of authentic expression that I occupy. I can be at rest. I can play. I can productively connect with my motivation to work and explore the relationships and opportunities available to me.
I am overflowing with gratitude for every challenge, lesson, and gift I have been given to navigate.
Why? Because of equanimity!
The highs and lows, lights and shadows, lessons and growth are all part of the same whole. Embracing that with equanimity has meant for me that there are no truly bad days. Being able to see and navigate pivots and opportunities for what they are, and giving myself the space to understand and work through them, is what produced all of the bullets on the list above.
And so…I sit here now, with big tits and a big smile, my husband in the next room, the sound of rain pitter-pattering on my window, sipping coconut coffee in our lovely flat in Hanoi. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Xoxo,
Jay
